Pancakes & Freedom
Breakfast is very important in our household. By important, I mean that my husband loves it and I make it happen twice a week. Oh, how I loved the first month after our honeymoon when I would spring out of bed, turn on some music, and cook every. single. morning.
Well, just like I enjoyed eating chips and salsa for dinner as a single woman, I will relish and delight in making breakfast twice a week before there are children who must be fed every day all day.
Health is also important in our household. Overcoming an eating disorder and the mental battle that followed, still makes me grateful to God every day. I remember what it was like when food controlled all my thoughts. I remember when I was consumed with controlling calories, exercise, and my emotions by binging and purging. I remember when my value was determined by what I looked like. I thought I would never be free.
There is freedom. Most clinics, therapists, and anonymous groups tell clients real freedom is not possible, that once we have an eating disorder (sex, alcohol, drug, fill in the blank addiction), we will always have the issue. They claim we have the will power to make a program work to control our behavior. What a miserable goal of a program: To always have our issue, but have the willpower to control the issue.
In the beginning of my journey, ten years ago, I read a ton of books to help with behavior modification. I read that I should develop a “healthy relationship” with food. I remember standing in front of my mirror once doing the ugly cry (I hope I’m not the only one who’s ever done that…) and I looked at my toothbrush on the counter. Through my sobs, I said, “I don’t want a relationship with food! I don’t have a relationship with my toothbrush – I don’t think about when I am going to brush my teeth all day, I just brush them and move on. I just want to eat without all this drama!” And I stopped reading all those books that helped me work on my “relationship” with food, and I started reading faith-filled material that helped me eat to live.
Food and sex are hard addictions to break. We’re sexual beings and we need food to live. As a bulimic, I couldn’t say, “That’s it! I quit! No more food ever!” So I had to study health, learn what bulimia was doing to my body, and pursue healthy community so I could learn to express my emotions in a safe, vulnerable way. Recovery is possible. Freedom is possible. Complete restoration is possible.
Thanks to the grace of God and my loving church family, I eat to live. I don’t live to eat. I eat well and can enjoy food without drama. I have boundaries that allow me to keep my desires and needs met in an appropriate way. What I look like no longer defines who I am and I don’t allow people who seek to exploit me in any way, have a voice in my life. My body has been completely restored – from my esophagus to my digestive track. My goal changed from modifying and controlling my behavior to total transformation in Christ.
I am free.
Now, I actually meant to share a recipe, but looks like the healing journey came out instead, which may be more nourishing to someone’s soul anyway. But if you’re mesmerized with the pancakes above, you’ll need 1 cup of Pamela’s Gluten Free Pancake Mix, 1 organic egg, 2 tbls of flax meal, 1/4 cup of granola, 1 tbls of melted butter, 1 cup of water, and a big handful of organic blueberries. Combine ingredients in a mixing bowl, melt unsalted butter in a pan and ladle a scoop into the pan. Flip when u see little holes (like sand fleas jumping in wet sand). You’ll get four big delicious (sneaky healthy) pancakes.
We like ours with a scrambled egg (little salt, pepper and italian cheese) and a slice (or half a slice, since we ran out today) of peppered turkey bacon. Don’t forget your vitamins after breakfast :).
We are praying for freedom in your life wherever you need it and we send lots of love from the Abercrombie kitchen.