I Will Never Sleep Again and Other Parenting Truths


All those times I said I was tired in my life, I was wrong. I never knew tired before.I cannot believe all the parents who have gone before me have not throat punched me during one of my complaining sessions. Young people, please stop saying you are tired. “I stayed up until 3am watching Blue Bloods! Oh my God, I am SO TIRED.”  You are not tired. Making foolish evening choices like I do, perhaps, but you are not tired.

Three weeks into parenthood, I am learning that I will never sleep again and our house will forever be cluttered with kid stuff. I am learning a few more important things actually worth sharing…

I have never loved my husband more.

His face when he saw our son. The tears in our eyes when we kissed right after he was born. The way he rocks and swings and shushes our baby to sleep. His patience, his care, his service. Coffee. He makes coffee. He is all man and I am thankful he is all mine.

There is no shame after all of THAT.

I don’t fart in front of my husband. I know it’s rare; this is my choice. Then, I had a baby. And Cody watched me have this baby. For nine months, I told him “Northern hemisphere SOLAMENTE!” In month ten, I surrendered, since it’s his birth experience too and really, I didn’t even care because giving birth is a miracle and we were overcome with emotion, snot, tears and a gorgeous baby boy. Post birth, however, there are situations a lady would never put herself in. For example the following items: Ice diapers, giant stretchy panties that resemble dish towels, stool softeners (because, trust me), and several items we will never discuss again. Focusing on stool softeners, I have been forced to fart in front of my husband repeatedly because nothing can be held in. All must lead up to the second birth: Pooping after labor. Maybe this is what God really meant by naked and unashamed… Nevertheless, there really is no shame after all of THIS.

Take one day at a time.

Every day is different. Some days, there is more eating and sleeping than others. (I could shout when our baby sleeps four hours straight… But I don’t, because I want him to keep sleeping.) Infants are learning day from night and their schedule is unpredictable. Nursing is on demand because that’s what helps them grow, learn and trust when they have a need, it can and will be met. When I am holding my son, nursing him, changing his diapers, laying him down for sleep, I think about God. One of His names is El Shaddai, which means “God Almighty” or “All sufficient God”. Shad means breast in Hebrew and this reveals God’s ability to provide all sufficiency and nourishment. I nurse my son every few hours and I marvel at the patience of God (imagine supplying your 10th feeding in 24 hours… at 4am). God never grows weary. Never. When I am restless, anxious, and difficult to calm, He is available to nourish and supply, always. It’s hard in my finite mind to imagine never growing weary. I feel Him whispering to me, “Come lay at my chest like your son and receive all you need from me.” He is giving me grace to love, serve and nourish Levi and He is imparting more of who He is into my heart.  When I have a need, I trust, it can and will be met.

Showers are overrated.

Showers, brushing teeth, wearing real clothes, lotion, perfume, face washing, deodorant…. Vanity, all is vanity. I did do my hair twice so far, and oddly enough, I keep shaving my legs almost every day. I know, I am just as confused as you are. Maybe it’s all I have left?

Mall walking is not just for old people.

That’s right, mall walking is for me. Since my abdominals split down the middle to accommodate a baby in my belly, I can’t do the workouts I love for the first 2-4 weeks and honestly, the first week, walking to the bathroom might as well be a Jackie Joyner-Kersee sprint. Crossfit and Pilates, please hold. Hello laps in the mall! Food, coffee, Zara, AC – what more do moms of newborns need?

I am not what I do. I am who I am.

I have had a job since I was 12 and a half. Like most of you, I like putting my hand to the plow, the sense of purpose and achievement. If you’ve known me for 30 minutes, you know I love church, ministry, people and outreach. I wasn’t sure how I would feel on maternity leave from work and ministry. Turns out, there is a beautiful ministry right here at home.This precious time will make me stronger for whatever the future holds. I am living what I am always preaching: The mission is where you are. I look forward to returning to my role on staff. For now, I am receiving heaven’s gentle reminder, “Hey Ash, you are not what you do.”

What are you learning where you are? Care to share a few things?

PS Wanna laugh some more? Enjoy this blog from a Dad on Scary Mommy called “the 7 Stupidest Questions I’ve Heard about my Baby”. I literally laughed so hard, I cried.


Hey there fellow truth-teller, welcome to our community. I'm so glad you're here. I love to help people take their mask off and tell the truth, and I believe the world needs what you have to give. I write books and blogs, live in Harlem, New York, with my hubby, and two rambunctious boys.


  • I LOVE this! Although I am now terrified to death about any pregnancies and baby rearing in my future, I am super thankful that you and billions of others have been the guinea pigs and I can steal your secrets! Also… best quote ever “Maybe this is all I have left?” ROFLMBO!! You’re the dopest.

  • Ashley! You are not a unicorn after all??!?! I don’t know how to feel about this! You had given me a dream to achieve in the fart department. I must say, dating as a woman who is already a mother poses some interesting challenges! I already lost all of my shame, but now I have to act like a lady again! Haha!

    Love this blog! Love you!

  • Wow limited sleep and still time to write a fantastic, hilarious, honest blog, do bible studies and read books?!! You are teaching me about prioritizing and time management! I’ve been reading the same book for 6 months! Shame haha! As always I love you and look forward to anything you write!

  • HAHAHA No one really ever warns you about the “second birth.” I felt so more prepared for that when our second child, Cooper, came.

  • I was SO looking forward to your 1st blog entry as a momma!! I love you Ashley!! Thanks for the break down of El Shaddai – I will never see that word the same way! And, I kid you not, I JUST started looking into mall walking…a cost effective and air conditioned alternative to the gym…may see you sooner than later! 😉

  • Love this!!!! I love hearing about motherhood through you eyes! You are who I want to be when I grow up! Love you!

  • I love you!! So happy to hear you broke that ridiculous and enviable no poots rule! You just cannot survive the second birth with all those rules!! You are such an amazing mother already with your beautiful view on providing love and nourishment to Levi. Love listening to your words in this new incredible role! You were destined to be an incredible mother, no surprise! Love you!!

  • So. Much. Blood. They didn’t tell me about all the blood.

    I won’t say it gets easier but it does get a lot more fun 🙂

  • Oh I love this honesty. I remember looking at my husband hold our son and knowing that’s how God holds me. I love you family. So glad you shared. God is Good.

  • The most beautiful blog! I love you friend and I love reading what you are seeing, feeling, experiencing. It’s inspiring and comforting. Thanks for being so amazing. Xoxo

  • Ashley, you are amazing. Your honest post just took me back 12 years (the last time I had a baby). Thank you for using this most incredible and life changing experience to minister. I feel blessed by your lessons learned.

  • Ashley, I absolutely LOVE this blog and LOVE your heart. Thank you for being honest and open. Levi is one dang lucky little boy to have you and Cody as parents. Praying for your sweet, sweet family!

  • Wow!! I just love you & your glorious words, you mighty wordsmith,you! Thank you for prepping me for my one-day journey with motherhood!! Big kiss!!

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