Pregnancy, Covid-19 and the Collective Witness

Pregnancy during Covid-19 is surprising, isolating and confusing. When I discovered I was pregnant, I actually thought I had the virus. Exhaustion, nausea, and a few other symptoms, but my husband bought a pregnancy test, and sure enough: Positive. We were thrilled to welcome a third baby to family, and also, terrified.

I didn’t see a doctor until month four of the pregnancy, since Corona was raging in LA County. After watching Manhattan battle the virus, we wanted to avoid the hospital as long as possible, to be safe. I’ve seen six doctors in the last ten months, gone to every appointment alone, and now that I’m in the final days, I’m doing stress tests twice a week, plus an ultrasound. Cause the medical community says I’m old, and this is a geriatric pregnancy.

Geriatric? Really? Can I live?

Baby girl decided to sleep through her recent stress test, so when I went next door to meet with a doctor, this precious woman was wearing a space suit, with an oxygen pack on the back. Not a single piece of her body exposed, and all I could see were her eyes. I don’t blame her - I’d probably do it too, because California can’t get it together, but wow. Pregnancy has never felt so impersonal to me, and with the speed of appointments, there is no real connection. It makes me sad.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some PRECIOUS moments throughout this pregnancy. Loved ones purchased every item on our registry! People sent meals, reached out to pray, sent face masks, venmo-ed for coffee. The generosity of our people brought us to tears more than once. We are thankful for our life and our community. Still, it’s sad.

As I piece together a birth plan, the doctor confirmed some of my worst fears. Cody (my husband) must wait in the car, while I waddle myself into reception. If I need a wheelchair (two for two on that, by the way), the security guard will wheel me up to triage. (Love that for me. Total stranger who is security and not medical staff.) Triage is a chunk of the trauma I experienced in my last birth. And I will be waiting there. Alone. Filling out paperwork while having contractions. Alone. Taking a Covid test. Alone. Getting undressed and having a random nurse check me while I’m vulnerable. Alone. Having contractions, trying to use the bathroom. Alone.

If they decide I’m actually in labor (because I guess a third baby isn’t proof enough), they’ll put me in a room, and I can call Cody to come in from the parking lot. The doctor also let me know that there are not enough Covid tests for partners in labor, so not only will Cody be in a mask the entire time, but aside from a temp check, partners without tests will be around the same medical staff delivering our baby.

If my Covid test is negative, I’m requesting the staff wear additional PPE, so that I can labor without a mask. Not only do I throw up a dozen times before transition, but the thought of giving birth in a mask and meeting my daughter for the first time in a mask is more than I can bear in 2020.

This is why I’m pissed.

For months, I’ve watched people parade around fighting for their “rights”. The right to not wear a mask. The right to not be a “sheep”. The right to do whatever they want when they want it. The right to believe a global pandemic is made up, a hoax, or that it will just “disappear by April - you’ll see, like a miracle”. The right to gather in big groups, not wear a mask at grocery stores, sue governors (cause some churches have time and money on today), attend MAGA rallies where masks are “encouraged but a personal choice”, follow famous worship leaders around the country, with nary a mask in sight.

Post the election of President-Elect Joe Biden, Covid is on the rise again, with 10 million cases in America, the highest globally, with over 140,000 – the largest reported numbers per day so far, with no signs of declining. 1800 people died in one day this week in America. Restaurants will shut down again. Salons and small businesses will struggle to stay open. Communities of faith will be unable to gather. Schools will stay closed while parents and caregivers struggle to afford childcare, work full time, or keep their children at grade level. Mental health issues will rise. And people like me will spend significant chunks of their labors, surgeries, and struggles, alone.

Why won’t people just wear a mask, and do what they are supposed to do to end this?

I can see how media is influencing callous selfishness, particularly for Christians within Charismatic and fundamentalist streams. A person I’d consider reasonable shared with me that he believes temperature checks and masks are a mark of the beast, because we need to be masked up to buy and sell. First of all, what does getting my temp checked have to do with idol worship? Second of all, how does this person draw a connection between my choice to obey our city ordinance and bowing down to Satan? Does anyone actually read the Bible, or is allowing other people to interpret scripture the only way Christians will learn? When did a prophet on YouTube supersede scripture?

Right now, Trumpers are jumping social media ships to join Parler, so they can dive deeper into a world of conspiracy theories and confirmation bias. The president tweeted a dozen times about Fox News ratings tanking and why his followers should move over to Newsmax and OAN, both known propaganda networks, which he hopes to convince people are the “true news” and not “fake news” like every other outlet, in his opinion. He called himself their “golden goose” and basically reminded the network, who recently began holding the administration accountable, doing more fact checking, and calling out bold face lies, that he was the reason they are who they are. What’s sad about this, is people blindly follow him, believing tweets and speeches, rather than seeing that he manipulates people for his gain. I’m baffled that a sitting president has the gall to do this, that he has so little respect for the process of democracy, for his significant role leading constituents across various beliefs, backgrounds and convictions. Not surprised, but baffled still.

In 2020, people I care deeply for became obsessed with the Cabal and the deep state. Some, who previously poked fun at family members who watched Fox News all day, now post and share Tucker Carlson or Laura Ingraham, saying they’re the only real news left. They are convinced a time is coming when there will be some kind of big reveal, and all the things hidden will be exposed. Part of the appeal, I believe, is carrying some secret knowledge that the rest of us do not possess, and believing the general populace is not smart enough to “do the research” to get that secret knowledge too. Just wait they always say, the truth will come out. But when another theory is proven incorrect, the whole group moves on to the next theory, always chasing something that cannot be found. Finding their identity in politics and mysterious ideas that only special people can see. They criticize the “woke” evangelicals, while simultaneously claiming they are the only ones awake.

Incorrect eschatology and bad theology led Christians to this place of good vs. evil, right vs. wrong, us vs. them. It’s shameful, and far from the heart of God.

I grew up with a lot of folks identifying as Conservatives or Republicans, but they are not Christians. They do not have a faith that blinds them to crazy. I refuse to call the folks shouting on social, refusing reason, and acting like they have no sense, conservatives, because that’s not what they are. People who consume propaganda, take radical liberties with scripture, and believe every video, meme and tweet, are not conservatives, or Republicans, even if they identify that way. True conservatives do not demand everyone share their beliefs or get on “their side” in order to be right or good. They are reasonable people. In fact, Conservatives, moderates and progressives alike, who can think for themselves, critically process media, determine misinformation by examining sources, disagree without demonizing, are usually able to understand their communal responsibilities and consider their individual choices in light of the greater good.

We need a greater collective consciousness. How sad that we especially need this in the public witness of the church? Shouldn’t this be at the heart of our mission if we are looking to be formed in the image of Christ? Isn’t our neighbor a top priority?

Many Christians are content to be morally good while failing communally.

John 13-17 tells us that the world will know us by three things: Our love for one another. The fruit of the Holy Spirit that we bear under any and all circumstances. Our unity. Love, fruit and unity. I’m sad to say, 20 years in the church, and I’ve never heard us described this way. Many evangelicals were handed a narrative of personal salvation – to believe and be good personally, is the way of the cross. Connections to others don’t amount to a hill of beans as long as Christians do all the right things for themselves. Mother Teresa said, “If we have no peace, we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” The problem is, some Christians find the more they engage with others, the less peace they have - the personal salvation rhetoric has convinced us that relationships and spirituality should be devoid of conflict, tension and nuance in order to be right, or peaceful.

It’s hard to imagine serving a God who died on a cross for everyone and still assuming what we do in and with community bears not weight on our salvation. How can people explain away the old testament? The ten commandments for covenant community. The prophets scathing review of people’s treatment of others. The prophetic promise of restoration for people. How do people ignore the new testament? Jesus’s way in the world. His constant command to love one another. His presence in community – life, death and resurrection for the love of all humanity? The church of Acts. The epistles helping believers know how to care for each other, to walk together in their differences. The judgments for the seven churches in Revelation that came not to a person, but to whole communities?

Of course we can only be responsible for ourselves – we cannot control others. 17 years of recovery has certainly continued to repeat this lesson. And in Revelation 21, after the communal judgments, mercy and relief comes to individuals – God is fully aware of what we can control and what we cannot. But we are foolish to think that who we are as individuals – our character, values, compassion and conviction – is not informing who we are in community, and that it does not matter to God. When I stand before God, I will give an account to him for my life, and the way my life and my choices connected to and impacted people God created and loves.

Is any of this Covid situation fair?

No. You think my husband and I wanted to homeschool kids? Are you crazy? I am by far the worst home schooler who ever walked the Earth. Our kids are not supposed to do life without friends. I miss church so much I could just about die. I didn’t even get to have a baby shower for my only daughter. But this is a time to suck it up sailor. If we would do our part, there’d be a great chance for us to fight this thing.

Individual rights are a thing in America, not a thing in scripture.

So get over it. You still have plenty. Will you get kicked out of Trader Joe’s for being an idiot? Yes, you will. but if you have time to fight with someone serving you for $7.25 an hour, you have completely lost the plot. For those who love to use it, remember to honor Romans 13, not just when it agrees with you, but when your city mandates an ordinance to help manage a health crisis. Call out the crazy, even when crazy might benefit your political preferences. Think about others, the others you disagree with, even the others you hate because this is the way of the Cross. Remember those birthing alone, attending appointments alone, sitting at home alone, struggling with mental health alone, dying alone. Those not holding grandbabies, not receiving hugs. Those without income, resources, or in danger of losing housing. Your context is not the only one that counts. Live in a way that honors your convictions, as well as honors God’s creation.